22 September 2005

Boozing is good sometimes

I have been boozing alot these days. I need to break away from negative emotions and I guess alcohol is the best medicine. Bad medicine.

I curse myself for having this habit to relapse again but I am so surprised to find the after effect so effective. I forgotten how it feels to be high, alcoholic high. It just takes your pain and problems away. Yeah, I know it's not permanent, the next day when I wake up I will still face the same bad situation and the process starts again. But the moment of high surpass all these thoughts and I just indulge on that moment as long as I can. Simply penetrating.

Life is a mess now. One that I do not know how to clear. There is a way, and there's probably a solution. It's all me and what I want it to happen. And recently I have been thinking alot. You know.... To lose all that I have and start over again. Yeah, start eating back humble pie, just to have simple things around me, just to have cheap thrills. Like going around town with just 50 cents in my pocket and going insane. I miss myself so much. I'm so dissed with this brick and mortar world. I need to be human once again.

I cannot promise a future with you. My life is unstable. I'm not like others. I have been bought up in a risk-it-all type of approach to life. To either have it all, or lose it all. My question now to you: Do you still want to stay on?

1:13 p.m. by ichigo