12 September 2005
Why am I still here
This is one of the days that work gets me down. Nothing feels right today. I shouldn't have bring on personal frustrations into the work but I'm bothered.Another colleague leaving soon. Since I couldn't concentrate on work, I might as well have a small talk over with her as she is just sitting behind me. I do not understand.... You're older than me for more than 20 years. You have been working way before I was even drinking milk, why do you ask me for advice? I should be the one asking you what should I do?
Anyway, I ended up being the one giving advices. Advices helping everyone except myself. For godsake I really don't know how to help myself. Why am I always the one rendering useful tips to others yet am a failure myself. And people actually hear from a failure. Haha, the irony.
"Why am I still here? Why can't I walk out this door and say never to return?" You know, when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. Now I'm here with something, I become so afraid that I will lose it all. Where is my courage now?
6:58 p.m. 
by ichigo