10 March 2005
Behind closed doors
The square room is always my sanctuary. To keep me safe from harm. It's not that I'm anti-social. It is because behind closed door, that I am able to find my peace. Home is not a home to me anymore. Home is behind where the door close.I'm very tired. Everyday it's the same thing. Back from work to see that worthless brother of mine hurling vulgarities at everything he touches, then proceed on to hurl it back to the mother who can't stand his bad languages. And when she cannot keep him at hand, she will find every chance to vent her quiet anger on me. Be it in terms of monetary or the stuff that she does for me.
For godsake, why don't she go and ask that useless bum for money instead of me. He has never worked in his life. Always fix himself on the computer all day and then extorts money from the parents when he needs cash to go gaming in the malls. For his bills, it is always being paid by me or mum, and when mum does not have that amount, she will always find reasons to make me pay. He is already 20 this year and has never work his ass in his whole damn life. And you, old bitch, you are forever siding with him. What the fuck you are as a mother!
And there she goes, blaming me for all the expenses that she incurred. Doesn't the whole family have to be included in the cost? Whose the ones always forking up the dough? Dad and I worked our asses off with only a return of a meagre salary. The two of them just plonk their fat asses at home and waiting for us to give them the regular pay they thought ought to receive.
Then people who never know my side of the story accuse me of being an unfilial child. They always say I splurge what I earn on travels, expensive items and lavish all the good things on myself instead of the family. This family don't deserve it. What have they done for me all these years? They only bought me pain, abuse and a mental block that screw up my whole life. If I could, like I promised since I was a child; that one day I would leave this home and never to mention it once and for all.
It's a sick family affair. You know what? The much threathening phrase: every child must take good care of their parents. I on the contrary would like to ask: why do you born me into this world? To make me suffer? To abuse me? Or maybe, to bring up your children to become society's trash! That's what you are. That's the fuck you parents are!
1:26 p.m. 
by ichigo