06 September 2005
There's no such thing called love
I saw her face smiling so radiantly and full of bliss. She looked so happy in her wedding dress and totally submerged herself in her wedding dinner. It was truely a sight of what they always said: "a woman in love".For that moment, I tried to numb myself. Probably feeling sour, but not jealous. Cause, I never have the chance to feel what she felt. You know, like truely and madly in love with someone and knowing that you have vowed to be forever with the one you love.
How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.
"Do love exist?" "No, it will never be. There's no such thing here." Cause I don't feel such thing in my life. I'm probably feeling sour. But the thoughts of all my past relationships gone wrong just makes me want to deny everything about love. I hate those feelings of blankness, being abandoned, knowing someone who you like is just beside you but nothing turns out in the end. The kind of hope love gives you and then it just throw you off to the depths of sorrow. Those shit stuff. And those shit stuff still hurts until now. Much as I would like to forget, but it will ocassionally come back to haunt me.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
I cannot un-harden this heart of mine, and neither can I hope to believe something will change me one day. My true wishes to those who are happily married but woe to myself for I can't help myself to stand up of my own beliefs. I am too plagued with insecurities.
Will you be my shoulder when I'm grey and older?
Promise me tomorrow starts with you,
Getting high; running wild among all the stars above.
Sometimes it's hard to believe you remember me
6:26 p.m. 
by ichigo